I am present in the now which is not the same as the past that we shared so vibantly. Everything is so different and each holiday, birthday and anniversary renews the memories I have of our special times together in the desert and in our many travel adventures. I want nothing more than to be sitting drinking cappuchino with you in the piazza in Rome or celebrating a jackpot in Vegas or sitting out in our beautiful Casa de Paz backyard drinking coffee and watching the rabbits hop over the grass or meeting each other at the Nordy's sale. Instead there are bittersweet memories of our mountain route trips to the desert with you humming along with Ottmar and Gordy, waking up in the morning to the smell of coffee and the sound of your voice telling me "shake a leg" and filling me with anticipation with your promise of "the day looms before us with endless possibilities" in our desert paradise. Now you have found an even greater paradise in the comfort of God and the angels and can drink coffee with your mom and dad , Jean and grampa and Lil and listen to great stories with Bob and Juanita, Jeannie and Ralph and Michael and Corie...that's tough to compete with Mom! every skywriter, special song, hummingbird and butterfly and windchime melody fills me with a mixture of sadness for the overwhelming loss of your physical presence and incredible smile along with happiness that you are living in a true paradise free of sadness and pain. I know that we will have many adventures still to share which keeps me going ..."it is what it is"